In the mornings I spend time reading my developmental textbooks (thanks mom!). It is as though I am reading them through fresh eyes. Each concept is challenged, each theory measured against what I see here. It is clear that my books have a western bias. Life in a rural Ugandan village is so unlike “life” as explained in these lifespan textbooks.

According to one text, “when young adults die, it usually is not expected” and that “a mature, adult like conception of death includes an understanding that death is final and irreversible”.
Here, death is common place. I feel as though it is the expected norm rather than an unexpected event. Children at a young age know death intimately. It seems as though it is accepted, as matter of fact. Here no one is special for having lost one or both parents; here it is almost strange having a living mom or dad.

Let me tell you the stories of five boys I know. These five boys are not unique; their stories could be the story of almost any other student here. Like the majority of the student body, and the majority of this village, these five boys have lost family members to AIDS.
Boy “I” last born, having 3 older siblings, loses his mom on Friday evening. By Sunday morning his dad has died, “a natural death” I am told. Only here, “a natural death” means HIV/AIDS. Within the year his older brother leaves home looking for work. His oldest sister marries two years later, and then dies in child birth. The one remaining sister goes to boarding school; he at nine years old is left in the family home alone.

Boy “I” has three cousins, “G”, “B”, and “J”. The boys’ father discovers he has “the virus” and throws himself in the lake, leaving them complete orphans as their mom had already died a “natural death”. It took three days to find his body.

These four young boys, I, G, B and J have an aunt. She is a single lady who is already caring for two orphaned nieces. She decided to take G, B, and J into her home and the community builds a house for I, on his land, closer to where the aunt lives. This way she can keep an eye on him too.
Our four boys have now grown; I and B are in secondary school. J is in primary school; G dropped out of secondary school after S4 (like tenth grade) and ran away to the capital city last year. How do you think these children view death?

I live in a village of orphaned children. I work in a school where hope is hard to find. The “adults” of today were the first of this parentless generation. There seems to be a complete lack of internal motivation. Responsibility is rarely claimed. Has life crushed their spirits so completely that they are now unable to work towards a better future?

Boy “M” is born to parents who are feuding with their respective siblings. His family moves to a different district, far away. While there, both mom and dad die. Boy M and his younger sister are now alone in a foreign place, with no family or friends to care for them. Somehow they make it back to this village. Boy M begins selling alcohol / teaches himself to fix radios. He doesn’t go to school. A ‘project worker’ finds him and his sister and brings them to both maternal and paternal sides of their family, seeking reconciliation and support. In front of M, both sides of the family denounce him and his sister. They want nothing to do with the offspring of the siblings they were feuding with. The project worker enrolls them in school, even though they don’t have sponsors. Boy M has a hard time adjusting; school and rules are hard for a boy who survived on his own for so long.

In my text book it discusses Kubler-Ross’s Stages of Dying. What “stage” did G, B, and J’s dad reach when he decided to leave his three boys and throw himself in the lake? I would argue that there are no stages here. Here there seems to be no denial. Death is real. Why bargain when it is inevitable? Is it possible to become more depressed than you already are? Acceptance seems to come quickly and with finality.

Children are forced into a “mature and adult like conception of death” as the reality of their lives proves the finality and irreversibility of those they love being gone. Here in this village alone, an entire generation is growing up. They are facing the challenges of life with no direction or guidance. Few have good, positive, supportive “home” environments. Poverty tints the welcome they may or may not receive by the few living relatives they may have.
Have I mentioned how living here is like living in the past? I was being quite literal when I used the words “feuding” and “denouncing”. Someone who has been denounced, or who is the child of the denounced person seems to be invisible. I am blown away as I discover that boy x is the younger brother of y, but they can be in the same room without ever speaking because x has been denounced. Feuding includes witchcraft/curses, sacrifice of animals for rituals, poisonings, and thievery.

My heart aches for this parentless generation. Where are the Fathers, teaching these young men to become strong men of integrity and teaching the girls they are worth love? Where are the mothers loving and nurturing the children as they grow? Who disciplines and guides them? Who tucks them in at night? I look into the eyes of “old” children. These children know death. They know loss. They know hunger. Some seem to have lost all spirit; they seem completely broken and without life. Others somehow are still “alive” despite their circumstances. Yet still others have a spark, just waiting to come to life. Pray for these children; this parentless generation facing the harsh world.