Honesty

It is hard to be honest. Hard to be honest with myself, hard to be honest with Bekah, hard to be honest with everyone else here... I can lie to myself easily, I can say I am "ok" without batting an eye, but somehow, when mom calls.... it becomes impossible.

Poor mom and dad, the past two times they have called i have cried my eyes out. Gotta stop that habit. In all honesty, I am not "ok". I was really sick. I feel yucky. Why is it so hard to admit that?

For the past week I have been feeling bad. Funny fevers, aches, head pains, rash on my chest, you get the picture. Did I tell anyone? NO. Why not? Pride? Fear? Stupidity?

Wednesday morning I couldn't lie to Bekah anymore- I told her I was sick. Too sick to do laundry, too sick to wash dishes, too sick to go to school. (And you know i am sick when i don't want to clean things!)

I am thankful that despite my failure to communicate, God still took care of me.

It has been hard for me (silly selfish confession-) being the center of attention. I pretty much want people here to go away and leave me alone. I have been reminded time and again that in this culture, when someone is sick, everyone comes to sit in their room and look at them. (No, not kidding, "look at them") I don't like being "looked at". The comments drive me nuts too... half conscious Wednesday evening, one on-looker informed the group that i was just experiencing general body weakness because i was weak and not used to the climate.

So here is my advice- don't get Typhoid Fever and Malaria at the same time. It really messes you up. Your body will hurt in ways you didn't think was possible, your head will do funny things, and it will kick your butt for quite a few days.

Thanks to Mom and Dad's advice, Bek and I are staying in town for a few more days. We get kind of concerned about spending money (cause living in town is way more expensive than living in the village), but the parentals quickly highlighted that silly idea and voted it down.

Life is precious. It is worth a few more days in town. I need to suck it up and stop being such a pansy about that...

Thank you all for your prayers. I am on the mend, honestly, I am. Still fighting fevers that spike and drop (thank you typhoid) and the cyclical bursts of invading parasites (thank you evil mosquito) but I am alive. I am getting stronger, and I am not giving up.