It has been a really rough week. I hardly know where to start or even how to explain all the things that keep adding up. My sweet S1 boys are being hazed; took me two days to figure it out. No one is talking about it. I want to cry, fight, hurt the attackers, “momma bear” it up, but I can’t. A phone got stolen from the staff room. Apparently I was expected to ‘babysit’ the phone since I was in the room when the teacher left it, but I didn’t know. The hardest thing is I think I was set up. Needed to be ‘taught a lesson’; the day before I argued on behalf of our kids, that they aren’t thieves.
Bekah and I are living in a culture that does not respect women. Imagine trying to teach students who automatically have a bias against you because you are 1) a woman 2) an outsider 3) white. Some of these boys are as old as we are. Developmentally they are much younger, but still, it is hard. They don’t respect us.
One night Bekah and I heard a woman screaming. It was haunting, floating over the valley, carried by the wind. We told ourselves it was a good thing- a new life was coming into the world. The next day, Bekah asked the girls about a baby being born. There was silence. Then one girl spoke, “Teacher, women are used to the struggle of childbirth. We don’t scream when producing a child. The woman was being beaten.”
It is accepted. Women are beaten. Last week was a public holiday- “women’s day”. The girls were told to provide entertainment in celebration of “their day”. [Let’s take a moment to think about that- why were the boys entertained with a show on ‘women’s day’? I am of the opinion that the boys should have set the program] Then came the time for speeches. Speech one (from a local guest): women are taking over. If we men don’t control this, soon women will have power and we will be lesser. Speech two: God created woman from man’s rib, she is bone, he is the first creation. If it weren’t for him giving a rib, women wouldn’t be here today; women, remember where you came from. Speech three: thank you ladies for preparing for today, men let us appreciate their try. Ladies it is a good thing you are being educated, but be careful not to become too proud. Men have tempers, and if you disturb them they may beat you, so please, be careful.
Go ahead. Take a minute to let those speeches sink in. S1- take back what we as men have lost. S2- women are lesser, remember that. S3- if you are abused, it is your fault for provoking a man.
Where do I even start? How can abuse be addressed when there is no respect for women (and children). Who do I attempt to reach? The young boys? The teachers? Essentially, I am merely a woman telling them that abusing women is wrong. Why should they listen to me? What do I know?
Icing on the cake: the male teachers have informed me that unless I “beat” the students, they will never respect me. Consequently, they can’t really expect the students, especially the older boys, to show me respect. Nice.
Let’s use fear, abuse, and threats to control people. Sounds like a jolly good time. Let’s discourage critical thinking, accountability, and initiative by allowing only route memorization, and by micromanaging these adolescents. Yep, that should work….
Stop.
As frustrated as I become, as bruised as my sense of justice becomes, as tired as I feel from constantly “fighting” for my kids, I can’t let myself become too angry. The teachers/adults here were once very much like my kids. They were once scared children being neglected at home, abused, finding themselves on the receiving end of the canes at school. They grew up in this culture. It is all they know.
Talk about a pendulum swing. Anger/loathing to sorrow/understanding. I need to find a healthy balance if I ever expect to sleep at night.
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