THEY

The blame game, we all know it. In this boarding school full of adolescents it has been fine tuned and is played with ease. “They” stole it, “They” said, “They” will; “They” gets around. I think “They” is related to “Not Me” who we often find in America.

“They” is powerful. It intimidates. It bullies. It hurts.

One of the concepts I have been emphasizing with the kids is “responsibility”: accepting responsibility for the role you play, regardless of what “They” may say or do. It is not a popular idea. Thankfully, some of the kids are now grasping the concept, and are struggling with it. I am thankful for the struggle because I believe working out what you believe is important. I don’t want my kids accepting what I say as “true” without first testing it; just as I don’t want them accepting what “They” say as truth without testing it. (But let me add in full honesty, there are certainly some days when I want them to just believe or do what I say, “because”. However, on a higher level, I do want them to learn to ask questions rather than swallow everything hook, line, and sinker.)

There is an additional component to the average “not-me-itis” (or the “they-itis” as we find here) that exacerbates this condition: unfortunately I am having a hard time knowing what to call it.

On top of the usual and expected lack of desire to accept responsibility, you can find… again, terminology escapes me. Let me try and describe it.

Remember your place. You are a child. You are an orphan. You have no one. You have no value apart from what you can do for me. You are poor. You are a villager. You are ignorant. I have power over you. I am stronger than you. I am above you. You must behave according to your place; if you are uppity then I will make you pay. If you are not sufficiently appreciative for what I do for you, then I will stop doing for you until you remember who you are.

To this let us add…
Unless you are trained and/or have a certificate, you cannot do something: you can’t paint your house, you can’t drive a car, you can’t play an instrument, you can’t fix a machine, you can’t mend your clothes, you can’t do. Certificates and training cost money. If you don’t have money then you can’t get a certificate or learn a trade. If you don’t have money you can’t hire someone to type your paper (because unless you have a certificate, unless you have been officially trained, you can’t type your own papers).

Is the picture coming together? “They” become stronger and stronger as oppression through subjugation and ignorance creates a condition of fear and hopelessness.

Accepting responsibility indicates you have some form of autonomy. Autonomy within the children is not acceptable.

As I sit here typing out the thoughts that have been simmering in my mind, I feel sad. Am I doing the wrong thing by encouraging and expecting the kids to learn responsibility? Am I setting them up for future pain and clashes with the community?

Can it be possible that “They” are too strong; that there is nothing we can do to right the wrongs?